According to an author of books dedicated to parenting and divorce, babies as young as six months old can absorb the ill effects of a divorced couple. If an infant senses emotions such as tension and anger, there is a strong possibility it will cry more and become additionally agitated.
Behavior traits -- including developmental barriers, weight loss, depression, a lack of interest in people, sluggish behavior and the loss of interest in playing -- can also stem from the more troubling aspects of divorce. Babies begin imitating their parents' emotions, and some babies even show signs of emotional regression.
]]> To minimize the effects of divorce, couples can work to settle things rationally and without fighting, and they can form schedules allowing both parents to spend equal time with the children. This can also increase parental bonds with the infant and reduce the risk of recognition failure.Parents also need to continue giving their babies healthy amounts of physical affection and interaction, such as holding, cuddling and playing, but parents should not underestimate the importance of quiet time.
Keeping the baby in a set routine is also important, though many easily adapt to surroundings if parents live in separate houses. Regardless of where the baby is, it is important to maintain a routine, and transporting items of familiarity can assist the baby in transition.
Regardless, parents should keep watch carefully. Babies react, respond and take in stress in different ways. Although they are unable to comprehend the situation, they are able to pick up on small aspects of it, including negative feelings
Source: The Seattle Times, "Ask Mr. Dad: Don't divorce your baby," Armin Brott, Jan. 19, 2012
]]>Many people base their budgets around their mortgage payments, and they dread the thought of heading back to the housing market to find another perfect home. However, in this economy, many couples have struggled to stay current with their mortgages. In that situation, is it really advantageous to keep a house that is underwater?
]]> If you are interested in keeping your house, it is important to refinance. With most lenders, it is difficult to keep your current mortgage and simply remove your ex's name. One financial advisor explained, "The lender has a better show at collecting if both parties are on the hook for the money."Without refinancing, both parties can be held financially liable for the house. As a result, if the home-owning spouse misses a payment, it can negatively impact the credit scores of both parties -- even after the divorce is final. Even if you are interested in refinancing, it can be difficult. Poor credit, inadequate income and negative equity can all make it difficult to get approved to refinance.
In most situations, selling your home is the best option. Keeping a house that has been supported by two people can cause a financial hardship for one person.
Source: NASDAQ, "How to divorce your mortgage," Marcie Geffner, Jan. 26, 2012
]]>The lead of the article discusses a 72-year-old bedridden man who resides in Florida and suffers from advanced Alzheimer's disease. The man was paying is ex-wife a permanent $2,100 a month in alimony, despite their divorce occurring 20 years prior. He went to court five times to lower or end payments.
]]> Some states are reporting an overhaul in their alimony laws, and Florida may do the same, since some people argue that many of the state's laws are out of date. Florida's laws were created when women had no choice but to stay home, and during a time when divorce was rare.A spokesman for alimony reform also cited an example of a Florida man who must pay 70 percent of his income toward alimony despite being stricken with cancer. He appealed the judgment and won. However, his payments were increased when the case was returned to lower court. Another hearing is scheduled for Feb. 14, and he will hopefully be granted a decrease.
Some states default to lifetime alimony during divorce judgments. This is defined as the higher earner paying the lower earner, even if they are both full-time employees. The payer must file a new lawsuit at the time of retirement as a mercy plea.
Source: Huffington Post, "Florida and New Jersey Alimony Injustices," Elizabeth Benedict, Jan. 20, 2012
]]>It doesn't need to be. Many people think of divorce as a contentious and emotionally-draining time. However, divorce can be a time of self-reflection and personal growth. Moreover, there are steps you can take to help minimize the emotional turmoil you face, regardless of how your soon-to-be ex-spouse is working through the divorce process.
]]> First, consider how you contributed to the end of your marriage. Although it is easy to place blame on other people, take responsibility for your actions toward your spouse.It is also important to stop thinking about your relationship for what it used to be. Allow yourself to grieve the end of your marriage, but also think about the end of your relationship as a transition, not a failure.
Perhaps one of the most important reminders for maintaining inner peace is being committed to your choice. If your ex wants to fight or insult you, don't fight back. Don't return nasty comments with an equally sharp tongue. Remembering that anger is an expression of pain may help you be more sympathetic toward him or her.
Finally, set the stage for the rest of your interactions. If you have kids, your family will not end just because your marriage did. Working through your divorce without being angry and bitter toward your ex can help lay positive groundwork for future interactions.
No one is claiming that divorce is easy. However, when you are intentional about your choices, you can make the process more peaceful -- for you, your kids and your partner.
Source: Huffington Post, "6 Steps to a Peaceful Divorce," Ashley Davis Bush, LCSW, Jan. 25, 2012
]]>Unfortunately, in too many situations this is not the case, and the U.S. parent is forced to work through the courts, often both here and in the foreign country, to enforce their child custody rights.
To handle such disputes, a majority of nations in North and South America, along with the European Union states, Russia, Australia and South Africa, have signed a treaty called the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction (Hague Abduction Convention). In these countries, the law requires that all international child custody disputes be handled in the child's home country.
]]> When a child is taken to a country that has not signed the Hague Abduction Convention, however, U.S. parents -- even those with child custody orders from U.S. courts -- can find themselves with essentially no rights and little recourse except to work with the U.S. Embassy.The outcomes of these cases are generally poor. Even if a parent is able to recover the child, it typically takes years to achieve -- years of separation between loving parents and their children. Many parents never regain their children.
In a recent case, the outcome was relatively positive, and heartwarming. In 2003, the mother of a two-year-old boy was overwhelmed by the responsibility and asked the boy's father for permission to take their son to the Ivory Coast where he could be raised by family members -- for six months, or so his father, a cab driver from New Jersey, claims.
Eight years later, the child was still in the Ivory Coast, which is not a signatory to the Hague Abduction Convention and which was not inclined to grant the father custody rights, even though the mother had returned to the U.S. shortly after establishing her son with her family.
After eight years of struggle, the father and son were reunited earlier this week.
With the help of a child abduction advocate and a hearing before the New Jersey Supreme court, the parents were able to come to an agreement to bring the boy home. According to the terms of that agreement, the father will have custody of the son, while the boy's mother will have visitation rights.
The child, now 10, recognizes his father only from Facebook photos, but says he is glad to be home. His father is ecstatic.
"Eight years. Eight years," he told reporters. "This is all I have been hoping for for eight years. The day has come."
Source: New York Daily News, "Cabbie Eugene Pothy reunited with son stuck in international custody fight," Erica Pearson, Jan. 17, 2012
]]>The toddler's biological father won his paternity claim under the provisions of the Indian Child Welfare Act, passed into law in the 1970s. Jim Abourezk, the South Dakota Senator who introduced the bill, hoped it would "preserve Native American culture and families," rather than separate children and their parents. At that time, there was concern that non-Native Americans were coming onto reservations and taking children from their biological families. Abourezk indicated that the law was not intended to be used the way it was to take this toddler from her parents.
]]> Representatives of the Cherokee Nation argue that the law was intended to be used exactly in the way this case played out. They maintain that there has to be clear evidence of abuse or negligence on the part of biological Native American parents to strip them of parental rights.This is a case where family and Native American law collide, resulting in imperfect, messy results. The toddler was raised by her adoptive family for two years, where she found a loving home. On the other hand, the young girl's biological father was seen as fit for parenting and hoped to raise her in a Native American household.
Clearly, this situation is anything but easy. Florida couples that wish to adopt a child had best be advised of all adoption regulations that could potentially affect adoption proceedings. The hope is that a tragic separation, such as this one, should not have to happen.
Source: The Post and Courier, "Decades-old federal act removes 2-year-old girl from only family she's known, but was that the law's intent?" Allyson Bird, Jan. 9, 2012
]]>An annulment will affect your finances differently than a divorce because a family court will attempt to put each person back to their original financial status. This means that whatever property, including debt, you brought to the marriage should be yours. Joint assets and debts acquired during the marriage are typically split equally.
]]> Sometimes, couples can agree to be responsible for the amount of the debt that they actually incurred. However, unless the debt is paid off in full, both parties will remain 100 percent liable for the outstanding debt in the eyes of the lender. This is why it may be a good idea for one or both parties to pay off the debt entirely so that it is not hanging over their heads. If one party decides to do this, then he or she can sue to collect the other half from the other person.There may be other reasons, however, that someone might wish to seek an annulment. For example, Kris Humphries is reportedly seeking an annulment from Kim Kardashian. This is interesting because it apparently has not much to do with finances since the couple was only married for a short time, and there was a valid prenuptial agreement in place.
According to the couple's prenuptial agreement, however, Kris Humphries is banned from speaking about his relationship with Kim Kardashian. If their marriage is actually annulled, meaning the marriage never existed, then the prenuptial agreement would have no effect.
Not just anyone can get an annulment, though. Typically a couple has to qualify by proving that circumstances existed that nullified the marriage, such as fraud, concealment, incest, lack of consent and the inability or refusal to consummate the marriage. This means that Kris Humphries will have to prove the basis of his claim in order for a court to grant an annulment.
Source: creditcards.com, "Annulment vs. divorce: How it impacts finances," Tamara E. Holmes, Dec. 30, 2011
]]>While in an ideal world, an amicable divorce settlement would make things less stressful and contentious, often what should be a relatively easy breakup can bring up financial problems for one or both members of the divorcing couple that can last long after the divorce is final.
Here are some commonsense tips offered by Money Talks News on how to protect yourself financially if you will be going through a divorce in the near future:
Close all joint accounts, if possible. This can avoid a situation where an ex-spouse decides to clean out a joint checking or savings account or run up debt on a joint credit card account. A divorce does not automatically cancel joint responsibility for debt or protect you from a joint account holder spending the money down. If your name is on the account, you are financially responsible for the account.
]]> A good divorce lawyer can assist you with transferring the title to your jointly owned home, but make sure that the responsibility for all mortgages is transferred at the same time, if possible. Again, banks may not be interested in releasing you from the mortgage. However, your divorce decree can assign responsibility to pay the mortgage to one divorcing spouse, which gives the other a legal claim if the first spouse fails to pay.Carefully monitor your credit information. Sometimes banks make it difficult to convert a joint account into a separate one unless you close the account entirely. (This is because they have no incentive to relieve one of you of responsibility.) If it is not possible to separate yourself from accounts that also belong to your ex-spouse, pay careful attention to them.
Understand your insurance needs. Do not put off assessing what your insurance needs will be until after your divorce. Make sure that there is no gap in your health insurance, car insurance, homeowners insurance and other key policies. Don't find out after an accident or unexpected loss that your ex-spouse removed you from his or her policy. If you have children or other dependents, make certain you have enough life insurance to cover them.
Divorce will affect your taxes. You will no longer file your taxes as a married couple but as an individual. Your status as a head of household exclusion, your deductions for dependent children and other deductions and credits may be affected. These changes could greatly affect your income tax liability.
By following these tips and carefully thinking through other possible changes in your budget and financial responsibility may allow you to avoid financial problems later. Talk to your divorce attorney and a good financial professional to understand what you need to do and what steps you need to take.
Source: MoneyTalksNews, "4 Steps to Take as Soon as You Say 'I Don't'," Angela Colley, Jan. 4, 2011
]]>Jacksonville child support lawyers have noted from the news reports that the man, who was once alleged to be living in million-dollar homes, now claims through his lawyer that he lacks the funds to pay off his large debt. The man has said he is without a job and has no income currently coming in.
]]> But because he failed to show up to his court date, the judge entered a judgment of criminal contempt and issued the warrant. The man was sentenced to a jail term of five months and 29 days but has not yet been brought in by police.The twin sister of the man's ex-wife said he operates as if he is "above the law" and has been continually lying and misleading people to try and get his way. The sister has been attending court dates on behalf of the ex-wife.
In a recent hearing, the man said he wanted to pay off his large debts to help support the well-being and health of his son, as well as to put the money issues behind him.
But his failure to show up in court suggests he is not as serious about resolving his debts as he has previously claimed.
Source: ABC Action News "Arrest warrant issued for 'millionaire dead beat dad'; who owes $10M in child, spousal support" Dec. 16, 2011
]]>Mediation involves sitting down across the table from your spouse to negotiate parts of the divorce. This process allows couples to sit down and discuss their past lifestyles and make sure that they are using their values to agree on splitting assets. Not only can this process save the couple money, but also time.
]]> The ability to sit across the table from your spouse is key to mediation. Doing so will allow you to work out an agreement on almost anything, from property division to child custody. You can work with your attorney and your spouse to come up with a solution that is custom fit for your needs.An expert divorce attorney can sit down with you and walk you through the mediation process and review all of your agreements to make sure they are solid. They can also help you discuss what might happen with your mediated agreement should your needs change later in life. If mediation isn't a good fit for your situation, an attorney can help you find an option that works and help demonstrate to you what the alternative options might look like.
Source: The Huffington Post, "New Year's Resolution," Abby Tolchinsky, Dec. 21, 2011
]]>Jacksonville divorce attorneys note that in 1990, only ten percent of all divorces involved spouses over 50. Now, fully a quarter of divorces involve spouses over 50.
]]> One reason that baby boomers as a group have been increasing the number of divorces in over 50s is that this group has also been inclined to get married. Even after divorcing, baby boomers are statistically likely to remarry. This high number of marriages is part of the reason baby boomers have a correspondingly high number of divorces.Another reason for divorce among over-50s is the transition to retirement. Some marriages are not strong enough to survive the day-to-day changes that come with retirement. Spouses whose identity has been strongly associated with their former career may find it difficult to adjust to a new life. Spouses who are accustomed to a lot of time alone may also have trouble adjusting to having their spouse at home all of the time. While these problems do not seem insurmountable, they may be just enough to point out the weaknesses in a marriage that might have already been suffering.
Source: Orl. Sentinel "Aging baby boomers boost divorce rate among older adults" Dec. 14, 2011
]]>2. Which parent is most involved in the child's activities? If you have made a habit of letting the other parent be the one who signs the children up for activities, takes them there and picks them up, knows the other children and parents involved in activities, etc., then it is going to be harder for you to claim that you should have primary custody. Whether the activities are related to school, extracurricular, social or family engagements, if you have not been actively involved, you should change that situation.
]]> 3. Who is the primary caretaker of the children? As with outside activities, a court is going to be interested in who is most involved with the children inside the home. You will be at a disadvantage in a custody case if you are not actively involved in a child's feeding, dressing, homework, bathing, transportation, etc.4. Do you leave records of bad behavior? If you are prone to sending angry e-mails or text messages, these can show up in a custody case and be very damaging. Stop this practice immediately.
5. Do you have unaddressed substance abuse issues? This is an all-too-easy criteria for a judge to use to decide custody. If you have any substance abuse issues at all, address them, or the issue could be used against you in your custody case.
6. Do you disparage the other parent? This may be extremely tempting, but it is another easy way for a judge to decide a custody matter against you.
7. Do you lose your cool? If you do, you have to keep this tendency completely under control. Nothing can be quite as damaging as a parent making an angry outburst right in front of the judge deciding their custody matter.
The common thread through all of these factors is that parents in a child custody matter need to remember to put their children first. Parents must demonstrate a commitment to their children in order to have the best possible chances in a child custody matter.
Source: Huffington Post "How To Lose Child Custody," Jacqueline Harounian, Dec. 12, 2011
]]>These efforts at revenge frequently backfire. In no aspect of divorce is this more the case than with child custody. Efforts to make the other parent look bad often end up making the accuser look bad. For most divorcing parents, the welfare of their children is the highest priority in a divorce. For this reason, it is important for divorcing parents to "keep their eye on the ball," and take actions that are most likely to have a positive result in child custody matters.
]]> In this post and the next, we will look at some child custody factors that every divorcing parent should keep in mind.1. Follow your child custody attorney's advice. First, you should have an experienced divorce lawyer working for you if there are child custody issues. Second, you should do what they tell you to do, and definitely don't do anything they tell you not to do. The advantage of having a professional on your side is that they have seen these conflicts before, many times. They know what helps and what hurts a child custody argument. They have seen parents torpedo their own child custody cases, and they know how you can avoid doing the same.
In the next post, we will look at more factors that are important in Florida child custody cases.
Source: Huffington Post "How To Lose Child Custody," Jacqueline Harounian, Dec. 12, 2011
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